After meeting, falling in love with and losing Jill, I lost the first event I was in.I guess I'd be able to talk to girls, which is something I had a hard time doing pre-Jill. But would I want to? Did I want to put my heart on the line again, only to have it broken, crushed as it was now? That was definitely something to think about. No problem there. If the past two days had taught me anything, it was that I have no problem thinking about things. My problem's NOT thinking about them.About this time I was called for my second event. The 400 meter freestyle. I wasn't up in the sky this time. I was right there inside my head, watching the guy in the lane next to me pull away. My turns went fine, thanks to the drilling I'd done. I could do those without thinking, without effort. It was just my swimming that sucked. I tried. I really tried. But it just seemed the harder I tried, the faster he went. It was as if my energy was affecting his speed, not mine. I lost by 3.2 seconds. The next. She stood up, scooping the flower up gently with a handful of soil to protect its roots - and immediately dropped it, her heart pounding.Was it just her imagination, tricking her into thinking the roots had reached down through the soil to wrap gently around her fingers? It must be. She was just upset, and she wasn’t thinking clearly. Taking a deep breath, she leaned forward and stroked one of the petals. It was soft, like silk. “You’re just a reminder of him, you know,” she said out loud. “You didn’t ask to be, but you are.” As pretty as it was, she wanted to get rid of it. She was done thinking about stupid, controlling, abusive Matt. Done.She picked up the flower with a handful of soil again, carried it to the kitchen and placed it in a small vase, then headed out the front door. Living in such a small apartment, she had no garden to plant the flower, and wasn’t even sure she wanted to keep it so close to home.But maybe the lake that was only 45 minutes away would welcome the.
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